Finding Where You *Should* Belong
James Clear cites the study of over 12 thousand people over the course of 32 years. The study found that a person’s chance of becoming obese increased by 57% if he or she had a friend who became obese. Of course, it works the other way. When one person in a relationship sized down, their other partner would also lose weight ⅓ of the time.
As he says, “We soak up the qualities and practices around us.”
Behaviour Is Subjective
Aside from choosing the right romantic partner, immediate friends, and roommates, our inclination to imitate the many means it’s a good idea to join a culture where your desired behavior is the normal behavior. The subjectivity of behavior gives us many cultures to choose from. Whatever your desired niche, go there and find your belonging. So if you’re into drinking away your sorrow with little daylight without being judged, waking up at 5 AM in the middle of the street with a bruised face and a bad hangover, best move back to your college town.
Anyway, things seem more achievable when you see it all day. When you surround yourself with like-minded individuals with similar perspectives and goals, or people who have mastered the habits you wish to perfect, you’re one step closer toward the direction of self-improvement. You’ll also feel a sense of belonging, like you’re part of the tribe, satisfying the biological drive of being part of something greater than ourselves. Growth and change transition from individual pursuits to group pursuits. Community helps behaviors sustain and improve.
“There’s a lot of internal pressure to do the same as the crowd around us. We want to get along with others. Change is attractive when it means fitting in with the tribe.” Find the right tribe.
Mentors & Opinion Leaders
It’s a natural tendency to imitate people we admire. Finding the right opinion leaders and personal mentors is a vital step toward holding ourselves accountable when trying to make our habits last. Just a meeting or phone call every two weeks with an admirable mentor in a position of power can have a massive impact on how you conduct your personal life.
Whether we like it or not, we’re susceptible to these biological drives. Once we accept it, we can come to position ourselves properly in order to meet desired goals.